So, you want to be an ARCADE champion?

Why hello there!

I haven’t been lazy, even though it bally well looks that way, oh no, not this time. Actually, I, along with a small team have been running http://www.dailyrodent.com/ for the past few months and it’s been a long train of fun, go and have a look.

Haven’t given this badboy up mind, so don’t delete me from your hearts just yet. Cheers for all the comments in the meantime as well. Cock on!

As a nice little interlude, I thought I’d throw in an article I wrote for the wonderful wayoftherodent.com which is particularly relevant I feel. Proper updates are a coming, the next game is a laserdisk bugger so it’s a wee bit more complex to get working. Until then, hope you enjoy…

Man vs Machine

“Games ain’t as good as they used to be in the old days…dribble dribble”. Find a room of 30 somethings that like a bit o’ gaming and that’s what you’ll no doubt hear all day long and hands up, I’m one of the buggers usually leading the charge. You can literally wade through articles and blogs full of nostalgic and wistful praise for the classic arcade games but if you were forced to put your finger on exactly *why* games were better it gets a little quieter. A few theories have been suggested; the excitement of emerging technology, the bedroom coder and plain old nostalgia glasses are all decent reasons, but whilst playing a game or two of Phoenix on MAME this afternoon a new and significant reason suddenly struck me.

You see, Phoenix is a fucker of a game – extremely punishing and demanding for what looks like a simple galaxian style shooter; the shield sometimes simply lets bullets through, the enemies float around like bastard butterflies dodging your attempts to shoot them down with ease and you get shot from extreme close range all the time with little chance of escape. As you stare at the GAME OVER screen for the hundredth time you are literally seething – fucking game, next time you’re going to get it something rotten.

And that’s exactly what is missing in today’s gaming world.

Back then it was YOU vs the GAME. You walked into the arcade feeling like a wandering cowboy who has just rolled into town as the fourth sheriff that week, there to clean up the town of scum and get the girl (ok, maybe getting the girl was a step too far with that metaphor but you get the idea). Each and every machine was out there to get you and you were there to dish out the spankings. Some days a machine would make you look a fool; they’d take your money and then spit you out mere seconds later. Some wouldn’t even have instructions on the cabinet, as soon as you start the game you’re in the middle of it – you don’t know how to play? Tough shit – BANG dead. Those were the days of men, the ultimate challenge hence the ultimate reward.

Compare that to games now. Now games don’t even ask you to read the manual, I don’t even know why they bother printing the bloody things as the first half and hour or so is usually a tutorial of some sort. Games these days love to hold your hand as you play, it’s not YOU vs the GAME anymore – it’s YOU AND the GAME, off on a wonderful adventure. That’s a load of old shit, I don’t want to feel like a member of the Goonies being helped along by that older ginger bird, I want to be a bloody cowboy! Even Nintendo, who still have a little gay place in my heart, started off with games like Donkey Kong, a game that I still can’t play past the second level today (King of Kong? More like King of Mong). Now Nintendo games almost literally stroke your hair as you play – “there there, we’ll all be alright. Look! There’s a pony!” ……FUCK OFF! I want to be the gritty hero, not star in an episode of Cities of Gold.

I Don’t want any help dammit!

The equivalent in modern time is of course online gaming, but that simply isn’t good enough for me. I don’t want to hate other people playing the same game, I don’t want to tone skills within the game, I want to BEAT the game. With online gaming you aren’t beating the game at all, the game is using you – can’t you see? Games of today are turning us against OURSELVES! All of the robot paranoia of the sixties is coming true in front of your very eyes and you do NOTHING. Don’t come running to me when a robot turns up and shags your wife that’s all I’m saying.

No, what we need are more games that hate us, we don’t need adventures we need rivalries. When I die in a game I want to be devastated, I want it to be the equivalent of having my trousers pulled down in front of Kelly le Brock on a day that I was wearing my worst pants – I want it to HURT. For me that is the reason to keep playing a game, not to see what level comes next but because I shitting hate it and want to teach it a damn good lesson. I really hope that feeling comes back in the modern era, but for now I’ll settle with battling with the oldies – are you up for it or shall I give the Care Bears a call so they can help you through that tricky cloud level?

It has taken me over a year to do just the letter A. In that time I have been to FUNSPOT *twice* for goodness sakes and I’m only a few months away from number three.

It’s not good enough.

If you’re someone who hooks onto a site or blog that they like and are saddened when it is rarely updated, I know exactly how you feel – I’m exactly the same. You find yourself almost mournfully clicking on the bookmark, knowing deep down that there won’t be an update, but you’ll be damned if you stopped checking just in case.

click…. nope………. fuck…. 

I feel extremely privileged when I am told that my blog is one of those very sites for a lot of you out there and for allowing that to happen I apologise – life and work (I work for myself doing databases and web design and stuff) have simply got in the way and it’s been a wrench to watch the blog slip.

Yeah yeah, this is the point I make a bold promise. “I shall be updating every week” I shall shout – I’ve certainly done it before. Well no. While I *am* going to make sure I pick this baby back up big style, I won’t make any bold promises, I’ll just try my best. I’ve even changed the look a bit, hope it doesn’t make your eyes bleed.

For those that have given up on this blog and have come from a RSS link that has been quiet for ages, Hiya! Please keep hanging around, I love you guys. For new people that wonder what I’m apologising for, Hiya! Hope you enjoy the site, check the dates above the entries and you’ll see what I mean.

Finally for those mournful clickers, Hiya! Keep on trucking fellas, the convoy is still a movin’

click………UPDATE?
JESUS!!!……….. oh it’s another apology one …………………………………..fuck

:)

Wow, that didn’t go well did it? Update every week he says, now it’s been over a month.

yeah I know.

Few things – firstly I’ve been stupidly busy the past month including a few unexpected overseas trips so time has been of the essence. That isn’t really the full reason though if i’m honest – the main reason is that I’ve been struggling a wee bit with my writing for a while. Work has been pretty time consuming and I have been finding writing anything decent trickier than usual (what’s that at the back? nothing new there then? security!).

And y’know I really want this blog to be a good read, so i’m reluctant to churn out anything half heartedly even if it means missing my new update schedule and all that.

Anyway, that’s the reasons – things are gearing up in quite an exciting way in the next few weeks, culminating in another trip to FUNSPOT at the end of May. Loads of stuff lined up for that and this blog, so cheers for sticking by even though the update schedule has been rhubarb and I hope to get things back before you know it. I’ve had a half written entry staring me in the chops for the past 3 weeks as well so I’ll be tackling that in a bit also. Shine on you crazy diamonds!

Right,  I have a new entry that I’m just polishing off which should be out in a few hours plus I’m also going to get this blog back on the regular updates again. I know it’s been a complete pain in the arse checking back every now and then with no luck, but from now on I am aiming to post an update at least EVERY week. Hopefully that can mean a few per week but we’ll see how it goes – one step at a time and all that..:)

Cheers for sticking by chaps, really appreciate it.

Tonsillitis. Not only a bigger to spell but an absolute killer for a chap my age. That’s what had me knocked out over Christmas and since then I’ve been catching up on the work I missed.

So as you can see, no updates. Arse.

Only one thing for it, better pull my finger out, the quest is most certainly still ON!

Thanks for the comments chaps, sorry there hasn’t been owt for over a month now.

Keep checking back though – I haven’t given up, honest.

Massive apologies for the lack of updates the past few weeks, the reasons are thus:

 - Bloody work. Unfortunately bills had to be paid and I’m just not good looking enough to make money on the streets just yet.

- Webpage thingie. Now that we have loads of entries to this blog thing I have decided to create a webpage that presents the whole story in a slightly more logical way. The updates will always be here first, but the while reading backwards thing is tricky for those wishing to catch up.

 So – sorry and all that, but I haven’t given up – far from it!

Although I haven’t actually been on holiday, as you can see there hasn’t been an update for a week or so – don’t worry, as ever they’ll be back and flowing soon enough.